Wednesday, March 16, 2011

How I became a Goth...

Here's a story of my own personal transformation into the dark person that I am now.

In all honesty, I cannot remember the first time I actually laid eyes on a Goth. It was probably sometime between the ages of four and seven. Considering that I am only recently eighteen, it's obvious that Goth has been around and thriving well before I was born, let alone at an age to appreciate and be a part of it.
I have always had three strong passions in life. The first one, although it is not the biggest one at the moment, was art. My mother is an artist (along with a botanist) and this meant that I was always exposed to art materials and was encouraged to experiment and express myself through art. Subsequently I developed a skill that probably wouldn't be as fine tuned without my mother's help.
The second thing is my love for monsters and magic. In particular, darker sides of magic such as witches (not as in any Pagan or Neo- Pagan religion. I'm talking about the curse casting witch with a familiar and all the assorted trimmings), wraiths and vampires, along with fey, celestial, mythological and historical elements of magic, mystery and the supernatural. I have drawings that I did when I was five or six of evil witches with black blood pouring out of their eyes... It was probably a very extreme thing for a young child, but if I am going to be completely honest with myself and all of you, I would have to say that my mental health has never been fantastic... being bullied as a young child, as well as a teenager, (pretty much my whole life) with no obvious reason, does not help a young developing mind...
The third thing, which really began to blossom when I was eight, was my intense passion for music. Of course, music has been around me my whole life. I especially loved classical music in minor keys (C# minor is my favourite) and this has not changed. When I was eight I began playing the violin, playing celtic music mainly, and although this instrument did not naturally sit with me, it lead me to play other instruments, most particularly the piano and the flute.
I have also loved dressing up with fantastic costumes and elaborate hairstyles. This lead to me having an inkling to wearing my hair, as I wear it now, long and down my face where it naturally parts. The only difference now is that more often than not my hair is dyed black instead of it's natural brown. Anyway, this lead my god mother to say, off hand and rather jokingly, you look like a Goth like that. I was only awear that the Goths were a tribe that had sacked Rome, so I was a tiny bit confused. Soon after, my mother explained, rather vaguely, that Goths were people who wore a lot of black and dark makeup. It was soon afterwards that I discovered that my father hated Goths and black lipstick, but let's not go into that.
Now, there was, and still is, a large part of me that was attracted to the bohemian gypsy style and lifestyle of the 1900's, and for about a year or so I wore brown, black, bronze and other lucious colours. However, I found myself wearing more black, and by the time I was 14, I was wearing all black, almost all of the time.
Then came the fateful day while I was wandering aimlessly around the Albury City Library. Now, in the hallowed  halls I came across a particularly interesting book. (For those of you who have been to Victoria, Australia, you will know that Albury and it's surroundings is probably the most Anti Goth place I have been too. It does have a thriving Emo and Metal scene, which is a bit odd)
Anyway, the book was enitiled Paint It Black, and was by none other than Voltaire. Naturally, I devoured the book, and was left with an odd feeling that I had uncovered a very strong part of myself.
Anyway, things had happened, and a few years later I moved down to Melbourne, where I actually had reasonable internet access and was able to listen to all sorts of music that was unavailable to me before. This, and YouTube in particular, revolutionised the music I listened to.
And one late night I sat by my old laptop with ear phones in, listening to some music when I came accross Voltaire's song Land of the Dead. I was transfixed. Here, in my ears was an exact representation of what I had been trying to acheive and find within myself and my creative endevours. Something that not only possessed a healthy amount of the spooky, but had a sense of humour and light heartedness. Naturally, the song, and many others that I discovered became some of my all time favourite songs. I spent some time Googling (that's a really hard word to spell...) Voltaire, like I do with all the musicians I like, and I discovered that Voltaire had indeed written the book I had read many years ago. This I think is the reason why Voltaire remains to be my favourite Goth musician to this day.
Throughout the years I discovered more music that resonated with me, and began to dress more creatively with the positive impact from my peers. I feel comfortable to wear creative eye makeup and Gothic jewellery to school, and, quite frankly, I've never been happier or more comfortable with myself. This, ladies and gentlemen, is here to stay... XD

xxx Lilly


  1. Very honest post, I respect that. It's the best feeling to find out who you are! :)

  2. Nice post. I love this! My story was more punk culture, and it was like a bullet. I met a woman my mom worked with who was hardcore punk, and she set me ablaze. Now I am who I am today, and I'm proud of it. Good on you for being proud of yourself! =]