Sunday, July 8, 2012

Fear Tag

 I was tagged by Kraven from The Queen of the Damned, who I saw at Requiem recently. I had a lovely time there; the music and atmosphere were perfectly balanced, and many sweet people said my 'stockings over face' eyeliner and eyeshadow was really pretty. =D

 P.S I won't be tagging anyone. Please tag yourselves as you please, and let me know. I don't want to double tag anyone, or make anyone feel obliged to complete. And, I'm really lazy. XD

Do this tag with the lights on. You may be facing your worst fears in this room...
Answer the questions!
Tag however many others as you want and link them in your post.
Tell the others you've tagged them on their blogs.
If you read their posts and notice you share the same fears, give them a virtual hug. :)

1. Three things you're afraid of for a very good reason (in order).
2. Three irrational fears of yours (in order).
3. The medical term for one of your fears.
4. Are you superstitious in any way?
5. Are you easily startled?
6. Do you have any common fears (heights, bugs, etc.)
7. When you watch horror movies, are you better at dealing with suspense or gore?
8. Are you afraid of ghosts?
9. Are you afraid of any animals?
10. What was your scariest nightmare about?

My Answers

1.  I'm afraid of being spoken to by strange, drunk old men who clearly have one thing in mind being a young lady in this society and all...
I'm also afraid of having my personal posessions stolen. I've had my wallet stolen only once, but I know it does happen fairly often. However this transcends into an obsession of mine; I will constanly check or grope my bag for my wallet and phone, and I will avoid cloak rooms or leaving my things unattended.
I'm scared of drowning.

2. This one is easy. I'm struggling to choose only three.
Having any kind of dental surgery. The only dental work I've ever recieved has just been the regular check up and clean, but I am so very paranoid about anything to do with my teeth or jaw. Interestingly enough, I'm not all that scared of going to the dentist.
Diving into water. I don't think I've successfully dived since I was around six or seven. The entire 'head before feet' thing really really bothers me.
Computer viruses. Strange, given my background, but I'm paranoid about getting computer viruses. If you'll remember my posts from last year in my school library where I was writing instead of studying, the level of stress expressed in those posts doesn't even begin to represent my feelings in the moment of my life, possibly hightened by the stresses of year 12. I losts nights and nights worth of sleep, I cried many an irrational tear ( or thousands) and refused to use the internet for months. I think this one really is a phobia of mine.

3. Odontophobia- Fear of teeth or dental surgery. Source.

4. Not in the slightest, but I do find them facinating.

5. It depends. If I'm sleepy then not at all; in person I am often rather vague, but sometimes I can be startled.

6. Not really, except for the standard 'raped, death, unwanted pregnancy' type fears most young women my age experience.

7. Suspenseful movies don't really affect me at all, so that's easilly what I deal with better, but most gorey things don't bother me either, with quite a few exceptions. I watch film to escape, so I find things to be most frightening when they're so very real. E.g Wolf Creek. I can understand if this movie didn't scare some overseas readers, but considering I used to live in a rural situation very similar to that in the film (though much further south), this movie was particularly close to the bone. I was around thirteen or fourteen when I watched it, and had a nice fun time all the same.

8. I don't believe in ghosts, so no.

9. I'd be afraid of animals if there was a serious risk of me being harmed or killed in the particular situation, such as a wasp or lion bite . I've been bitten on the thumb by a European wasp when I was ten, and the scream that escaped my lungs possibly badly hurt the ears of the kids sitting next to me in class due to the sheer pain of that bite, so I guess I'm afraid of wasps now. I think they awesome little creatures, I just don't like them near me.

10. Suicide. Doesn't need to be further explained at all.

Well, lovely readers, that's the second post for this Sunday evening. Both have been far more personal that what I'd usually blog about, but considering I'm attempting to 'jump start' my blog back into it's former glory, I feel it's rather fitting. Please comment with your responses and opinions. 

xxx Lilly

Acceptance within the scene

Reading back on my old posts and reflecting how I felt while writing, I remember feeling quite apprehensive about being a 'Younger Goth' and having just moved to a new city, Melbourne, after spending 12 or so years living out in a rural environment. I felt that I did not fit in to my school and had no like minded Goth friends who I could share my life and interests with. I would be lying if I said that my time spent on the internet didn't help to fill that void.

Anyway, fast forward back to now, after living in Melbourne for the second time (I was born here), for almost three years, I've certainly felt more comfortable being a Goth In Melbourne. I've been clubbing (five times only!), been to a picnic or two and spent much time in the local shops, immersing myself in the culture as much as I can and meeting new people. I've also became quite good friends with a fair few lovely ladies from the internet, and became 'internet friends' with many more, as well as had relationships developed with other Goths in person.

No longer do I avoid eye contact with older Goths or make stuttered conversation with anyone who strikes up a conversation. I used to feel that my personal style was secondary to the others who had access to the shops to develop their wardrobes for years while living in a city where there was lots of variety, while I barely could (and still cannot) afford clothes from op shops.
Now I have the confidence to dress up, dance and have a nice old time while out and not feel like I'm being judged for being myself. Men have asked for my phone numbers, and I've been photographed and complimented on my clothes and my makeup which has definately helped my confidence and sense of self identity. I feel like an adult now, despite being only 20 in 9 months, and I can be a mature adult while not sacrificing any part of me that helped to shape and develop my identity as a child and a younger teenager. I also feel that, mainly having spent time looking at pretty pictures on the internet and on others at clubs and events, my tastes in clothes have developed, matured and become more sophisticated. Now I put a lot of effort into my appearence while being out in public, and over time I feel that has paid off, despite my frequent masses of torn clothing, smudged makeup and matted hair.

I still feel very young, but feel so at home in my scene now. It's embarassing, but when I walk into a club I think to myself, subconsciously, 'Yay, I feel comfortable here.' and it's such a good feeling.

xxx Lilly